Broken Promises
by MarieTheManiac
Summary: They're mutants. They're ninja. But most of all, they're brothers. Brothers are supposed to be there for each other. But what when one of these very brothers makes a promise he's unable to keep? ***Brotherly fluff, rated M for mental and physical torture!***
1. It's Not Okay

Leonardo jerked up, sweat running down his face.

His body was shivering, one finger on his right hand twitching. Like it would be firing a gun.

Leo lifted his hands, looking at them, as if they were some kind of monsters.

Which they were.

The roars which he had heard in his dream…nightmare, were still echoing in his heads.

He wasn't too stunned about them, 'though.

It was the memory. The memory of his little brother, turned into a dangerous vicious monster, running into his direction, roaring at him. The memory of Leo, firing darts off a gun.

Over and over again. Darts spicing into his brother's flesh.

Leo felt so sick.

He got out of his bed.

Luckily to his ninja skills, Donatello didn't hear him when he got up the leader which led to his bed.

As quiet as possible, Leonardo laid down next to his little brother and pulled him close.

Donatello squirmed a little.

"Leo?"

The purple banded turtle opened his eyes, looking right into his older brother's face.

Donny's eyes fully opened at that.

"That nightmare?"

Without saying a word, Leo pulled his second youngest brother closer, tucking his head under his chin.

Donny wasn't surprised. Leo always acted like that, when something, referring his brothers, bothered him.

Donny didn't actually know what his older brother's nightmare was about, but he knew that it had something to do with his secondary mutation Bishop's outbreak had caused.

It had been a few weeks since then and the brothers hadn't fully recovered yet.

They needed eachother's support more than they ever did before.

So, Donny just leaned into his big brother, enjoying his comfortable warmth.

Without really noticing it, Leo started stroking over Donny's chest, searching for the dents were the placed where the darts had sunk in.

He could still feel them clearly.

Leo clenched his eyes together and pulled Donny even closer, causing the younger to gasp.

"Easy, Leo. You're suffocating me."

Donny looked up and smiled at the older.

That smile. That gentle loving smile.

Leo couldn't stand it. He didn't deserve that smile.

"Leo?"

Donny's smile had faded; he was now looking at the older with worry.

"Are you…mad at me?"

Donny's voice had filled with concern, fear and apology.

Leo took Donny's head with one hand and tucked it back under his chin.

"I could never be mad at you."

Leo was still stroking over Donny's chest. Donny placed his hand on Leo's, stopping its movement.

"Then, why aren't you talking? Or smiling at me?"

Leonardo looked down at the younger.

At that moment, Donatello didn't seem to be his mature, teenage brother.

He was looking like a little child, worrying because of a monster hiding under his bed.

But this time, the monster was real.

Donatello blinked, placing his hand on his older brother's cheek.

"There has to be a reason this nightmare affects you so much, Leo. Just tell me! It's just a dream, so it's okay. Completely okay." The younger smiled.

Leo bit his trembling lower lip. Okay? If Don only knew that it was anything BUT okay.

The leader shook his head.

"Never mind, Donny. You wouldn't understand."

"But -!"

"Never mind, Donatello!"

Don winced at the sharp tone of Leo's voice.

He started to tremble slightly.

Leo pulled him closer again, trying not to hurt him.

"Sorry, Donny. It's just…I…!"

Leo gave up and again searched for the dents on Don's chest.

A picture found its way into the eldest turtle's mind.

A picture of him, keeping firing tranquilizer darts onto a fast running monster.

A picture of the monster, falling to the ground, closing its blood red eyes.

A picture of Leo, kneeling beside the unconscious monster and whispering: "It's gonna be alright, Donny."

Leo clenched his eyes shut once again, causing a tear to fall down.

Don noticed.

"Leo?"

But Leonardo shook his head, gesturing the younger to be quiet.

But Donny didn't even think of being quiet.

"Leo, please, tell me. I want to help you!"

Leo shook his head once again.

"You're the little brother here, Donny. You don't have to help me with anything."

"That's stupid, Leo, and we both know that!"

"Donny, just -!" "And you're telling me _I _don't trust you enough!"

Leo looked down at his second youngest brother, half shocked, half puzzled.

"I know it has something to do with the outbreak! So, could you please just tell me what happened?"

"Don, we already -!" "You told me that I was a vicious monster, you made Bishop and Stockman cure me and I tried to eat Mikey's leg!"

He laughed a fake laugh.

"That information was indeed very pleasing. Now, I'd like to know the freaking _whole _story!"

Leonardo blinked at Don. He knew he had a point.

But…he couldn't tell him.

Not only to protect the younger from the truth, but also…not to make himself going through the whole story again.

But now that he was confronted like that...Donatello would never let it go if he didn't get his wanted information now.

Leonardo took a deep breath. Now or never.

"You want to know the whole story? Fine, let's start: We were beating up mutants, I was stuck under an extremely disgusting one, and I got a call from April. She was so scared that she wasn't even able to finish her sentences. The one thing I understood that you guys were in trouble. Especially _you_, Don! So, Raph, Mikey and I made our way to April's, only to find her and Casey being threatened by a vicious, aggressive, cruel, ugly monster. And _after _it fled into the sewers and we'd thrown some pretty good punches at it, April told us that _you _were that monster! But we had to ignore our shock and shame to run after you, because you were short before destroying our new home. Then Leatherhead had to finish that Mutant-trap-thingy, the two of you had been building together, to use it on _you_! To get you into that thing, we'd risked our lives, because you weren't really the same opinion as we were and tried to kill us! Then, when we'd been back at the lair, desperate, you still in that box, trying to destroy it, Mikey wanted to make you breakfast."

Leo chuckled sadly.

"It was your favorite. When he had opened that little opening down on the box to put the tray into it, you knocked Mikey down, and, well, tried to rip his leg off, or something. After I and Master Splinter tried to reassure you and LH had put some sleeping gas into your box, I've figured that we could use the old helicopter you'd been repairing, to get Bishop to cure you. When Stockman tried to put you into a similar box, because, according to him, the one you and Leatherhead had created totally sucked, you freaked out and almost killed Master Splinter. When Bishop said it'd be useless and meant we'd have to destroy you, you and Leatherhead fought each other to Bishop's laboratory, where he had caused Leatherhead so much pain. Then, when you were short before killing LH, I…I appeared and started firing darts off a tranquilizer gun. While I shot, you kept running into my direction, roaring at me, wanting to rip me apart. And then, maybe even less than a second, I…I had wished it wouldn't have been a tranquilizer gun in my hands."

Leonardo looked down at Donatello.

"I wanted to kill you, Donny! I wanted to have a real gun and freaking _kill _you! _And that's why it's not okay and I didn't tell you anything! _Because I'd been freaking sick!

I. Wanted. To. Kill. My. Little. Brother._"_

Leonardo's breathing was faster than usual, his eyes on his brother's face.

Donatello's eyes had widened. He had started trembling. His mouth was moving without any words coming out. He slowly shook his head.

"You…you wanted -?" "Yes, Donny. I wanted."

Donatello looked at his brother's chest, avoiding his gaze.

How?

How could it have turned out like that? How come Leo actually thought of..?

No.

It wasn't Leo's fault. If Don hadn't been such a monster, the whole thing would've never happened, Mikey would've never gotten hurt and Leo wouldn't have had to think about something like that.

Donatello quietly mumbled, his voice cracking: "What have I done?"

Leo looked at the younger with shock!

"Donny?" "It's all my fault!"

Don looked up to his big brother.

"If I wouldn't have been scratched by that mutant! If I had told you guys sooner that it had felt worse than just a cold! If I wouldn't have -!"

A hand flapped over his mouth.

"Shut up, Donny."

Ignoring his protest, Leonardo pulled Donny close, holding him tightly.

"It wasn't your fault. It'd have been everybody's fault of you'd say so, but, no way how often you say it: This wasn't your freaking fault. You couldn't have done anything about this. Not. At. All."

Don had stopped protesting. He was now leaning against his big brother's chest, still trembling.

"Do you…do you still..?"

Leo knew what the younger meant. He pressed Donny's face against his chest.

Tears were now streaming down Leo's face.

"No way in shell, Donny. I'd rather blow the whole world up before I'd kill you. I'm so sorry. So damn sorry!"

Also Donny was crying now.

Both brothers clung onto each other, both searching for protection, support, understanding, and the most important thing.

Love.

Both brothers missed the old times, when they had still been toddlers.

All four of them had slept in the same bed, they would come to each other when they had nightmares, and they would hold each other.

How much the two turtles missed those times.

Both were still crying, Leo more silent, Donny was sobbing.

The blue clad turtle pulled his younger brother as close as possible.

The purple banded turtle leaned into the embrace, not wanting to let go.

Trying to stop his tears, Leo whispered: "I love you, Donny. I love you so much and I'm so sorry about the whole thing. I love you."

Donny cried all the harder.

"Leo!", he sobbed, "I'm also sorry! I never meant to hurt any of you! And I love you too! So much!"

All things needed to be said were said. Both brothers felt a heavy weight off their chests.

For the first time in so many weeks, both turtles felt…relieved.

They started to calm down. Leo's falling tears had stopped, but Donny was still sniffling.

Stroking the back of his little brother's head, Leo whispered: "I suppose, both of us need protection now, right?"

Clinging tighter onto his eldest brother, Donny nodded.

Not letting go off each other for the whole night, both brothers fell into a deep sleep.

And for the first time in weeks, Leonardo wouldn't suffer from his nightmare. But neither him nor Donatello knew, that a far worse nightmare was about to begin.


	2. What Hurts The Most

_Rage._

_Rage was everything he felt. If you could even call it that. Felt. Feel.  
_

_Feelings didn't exist anymore for Donatello. Feelings were for beings with a heart, a loving heart._

_And that was something Donatello didn't own anymore._

_He growled at the limp Michelangelo, who was lying on the ground, unconscious and completely unaware of the danger which he was still surrounded by._

_The monster narrowed its eyes and lifted his claw, ready to finish the youngest turtle off._

_Suddenly, he felt something hit his head._

_He turned around and growled threateningly. Raphael stood on a pipe, throwing something at Donatello._

_"__Don't ya dare ta touch Mikey!"_

_Raph's eyes were filled with anger, rage, but also self-control._

_No matter what, he wouldn't hurt Don. Never hurt his little brother. Not more than he had to._

_Donatello roared loudly, running into the red banded warrior's direction._

_The latter jumped off the pipe he was standing on and dodged his no-more-brother's attack._

_Donatello crashed against the pipe, causing the lair to fill with water._

_The water rose faster by the second._

_It didn't take long until it had surrounded Mikey._

_Not taking notice of Raphael's desperate screams, Donatello whirled around and roared again._

_"__Donny, stop it!"_

_Leonardo was jumping behind Donatello, him and Raph surrounding the double-mutated mutant._

_Leo didn't want to hurt the younger. He knew he wasn't himself that moment._

_But, did that really make a difference?_

_After all, their once so calm, quiet, kindhearted brother…had killed his one and only little brother._

_And Raphael's and Leonardo's youngest. Leo felt tears coming up his eyes._

_Donatello looked at the blue clad turtle, not recognizing his older brother._

_Donatello kept whirling around, not knowing which turtle to attack._

_Then, he grabbed a piece of the broken pipe and swung it around Raphael's head._

_Too startled to react, Raphael's eyes widened for a second before he fell into the cold water, lifelessly._

_"__Raph! No!"_

_Leonardo tried to jump after the younger, but too late. He had already sunk and wasn't able to be found anymore._

_Leonardo stood, shaking. Not Raph too._

_Donny couldn't actually have…_

_No._

_This wasn't their Donny anymore._

_That monster was anything BUT Donny! And Leo would take revenge for all of his brothers._

_All three of them._

_Leonardo turned around to the monster which used to be his little geeky brother._

_"__YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!"_

_Not caring about his insistence not to hurt the no-more-teenager-turtle anymore, he took out his katanas, ready to end that thing's life._

_Said Monster narrowed its blood red eyes, growling dangerously._

_Out of pure instinct, Donatello roared louder than ever and stormed into his brother's direction, his claws raised. Unfortunately, Leonardo didn't take any notice of the claws soon enough._

* * *

"NO!"

Donatello jerked up in his bed, sweat running down his face.

He looked around furiously. He was in his and Leonardo's room. He shot a glance at his alarm clock.

2 AM.

Donatello placed one hand onto his pounding head and shook it slightly, trying to clear his mind.

The nightmare was still flashing before his eyes.

Piece by piece, Don had to watch how he ruthlessly killed all of his brothers.

He buried his face into his hands, trying to get rid of the pictures. This didn't make any sense.

Donatello didn't have any nightmares about his secondary mutation before. Shell, he could barely remember anything about it! He had recovered, went on with his life, a little faster than his brothers, obviously. But, why such a nightmare now?

And besides: that nightmare had felt so…real.

Donatello could have sworn to have felt a burning pain in his right leg.

Donatello's eyes snapped open and he grabbed his leg.

The pain was_ real_!

His leg was burning, like on that evening when he mutated. No. no. no. that wasn't possible! How could that be?! The cut closed weeks ago and he was cured! Or at least so they thought...

Donatello grabbed the burning limb tightly, trying to hold back his moans, not to wake Leonardo.

Donatello had to get out of here. As fast as possible!

He jumped out of his bed noiselessly, thanks to his ninja skills, and tiptoed to the door.

His hand was already on the doorknob.

"Going somewhere, Donatello?"

Donny immediately froze at the sound of his eldest brother's voice. Shell, not now!

"I…uh…nowhere."

Definitely the worst lie ever told. Donatello mentally slapped himself across the face.

Leonardo narrowed his eyes.

Why did Don lie to him? Or even more important: Why did he lie so _terribly_?

"You are aware that I'm not that stupid, are you?"

He grabbed Donny's hand and pulled him back. The purple clad teenager closed his eyes tightly.

He didn't know why, but he was scared.

But that fear almost disappeared when he felt a soft hand caressing his cheek and wiping away unnoticed tears.

Donatello exhaled lightly. Waking up from a nightmare where he was a vicious monster and killed all of his brothers, then having similar symptoms like on that night when he turned into said brute and then being treated like a little child by the brother whom eventually hated him in the nightmare?

That was just a little bit too much to handle for the sensitive turtle.

Leonardo didn't know what was bothering his brother, but his dark chocolate eyes were filled with concern.

"Donny?"

Donatello didn't respond, neither did he look at Leonardo. It was just too much.

"Donny.", Leonardo whispered softly, resting his left hand on Donatello's cheek, "I want you to open these soft light chocolate eyes and look at me."

The younger sniffled. That activated the 'big brother mode'.

Leonardo pulled the distraught turtle into a loving embrace. Donatello returned the hug, as tight as he could. Silent tears were running down his face, proving the older brother right.

Something was definitely wrong.

Softly stroking the back of his brother's head, Leo whispered: "What's the matter, Donny?"

Donny's voice was cracking as he whispered something like "Bad dream." and cuddled himself tighter into his big brother, tears still falling.

Leonardo knew that wasn't it. At least not all of it.

But he let Donatello be. He'd tell him when he was ready. And when that moment came, Leo would be there for him.

Right now, Leo softly stroked up and down Don's shell, shushing him.

"Need protection?"

That was Leo's and his brothers' special code for 'wanna sleep in my bed?'. They had used that code since they were little kids, mostly said by Leo and Raph, when Donny and Mikey had had nightmares.

Which was the case right now.

Donny nodded furiously and let more tears fall.

Leo smiled and led Donny to his bed.

The second youngest threw himself into the pillow.

Leo followed and let his little brother cuddle up against his chest.

Don seemed to relax in his brother's arms, almost forgetting the pain in his upper leg.

He would care about it the following day. Right now, everything he could do was enjoying his big brother's protecting presence.

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

Donny cuddled his head deeper into Leonardo's chest.

"I love you."

Leonardo smiled.

"I love you too, Donny."

Donatello smiled tiredly, finally drifting off to sleep.

Wrapping his arms tightly around Donny, Leo whispered: "Sweet dreams, little bro."


	3. Fear

"AAAH!"

Donatello jerked up in his bed, sweat running down his head.

His breathing was uneven and his leg was burning.

Nothing more, nothing less. Just burning.

And that was the thing that drove Don crazy.

Donatello had no idea how long he could put up with the whole thing. The nightmares, the pain in his leg, the uncertainty.

The only thing Don knew that moment was that he was…_scared_.

The purple clad turtle tried to calm down by hugging himself tightly. But the pictures were stuck in his mind; he just wouldn't get rid of them.

He felt pathetic.

Normally, Donatello was the one who wouldn't be affected by nightmares as much as Raph or Mikey…or sometimes even Leo. But this time he knew…that the nightmare wasn't just a nightmare.

It was his future.

It just had to be a relapse. There wasn't any other explanation. The nightmares may be caused by that traumatic experience, but the pain in his upper leg was _real_. It couldn't be a psychological problem. And even though Donatello had no idea why and how it's possible that he's somehow resisting Leatherhead's cure, he knew he was.

Donny buried his head into his hands, ready to break into sobs.

"Don?"

Donatello looked up, startled.

He saw Leonardo, looking at him with concern.

The oldest teenager noticed how Donny cringed onto himself. Realization found its way into the older turtle's face.

"It was the nightmare again, wasn't it?"

At first, Donny wanted to say no, but he knew it'd be useless. Even an idiot, or Mikey for that case, would realize that there was something wrong with Donny. Seriously wrong.

So he just nodded, not really taking notice of the tears which were falling down his cheeks.

That was enough for Leonardo.

He climbed up the leader of Donny's bed and gave his little brother a one armed hug as he sat down next to him.

The second youngest ninja turtle laid his head onto Leo's shoulder, desperately trying not to sob.

But Leo knew how the younger teenager was feeling.

"Don't try to be 'mature', Donny."

Enough said.

Donny let go of all his tears and buried his face into Leo's chest.

The latter used his other arm to pull Donny close and softly stroked the back of his head, while using his other arm to hold him tight.

Donatello's sobs got louder and he held onto Leo tighter.

The latter shushed him.

"It's alright now, I'm here."

Donatello knew that and was grateful. But, Leo's simple presence didn't sooth him much.

Because not even the 'fearless leader' could change what had happened. Or what was happening. So, it was only a matter of time until the thing Donny feared like shell, actually happened.

But for that moment, Donny was more than pleased with his older brother's presence.

He cringed onto Leo tightly and let desperate sobs escape from his mouth.

Leonardo just held him close.

He had no idea what else to do to calm the younger down.

He had those nightmares almost every night, and when he wouldn't suffer from them, he would be too scared to sleep.

So, everything Leonardo did, or could do for that matter, was holding his little brother tight and reassuring him as good as he could.

Donatello tried to get his breathing down, but failed. He felt so utterly pathetic.

Not only that he let himself being affected by a nightmare, without even telling his brothers or father what it was about, but also, he was crying in his older brother's arms, like a helpless little child.

And Donatello was sure that he was anything but a child!

As much as he felt embarrassed by it, he just couldn't let go off Leo that moment.

The fear and agony he felt were just so overwhelming.

Too overwhelming for the most sensitive of the ninja turtles.

Leo laid his head onto Donny's, still shushing him.

He felt so helpless.

He used to be able to mild his brothers' pain, but in that case…his second youngest brother just didn't seem to be able to be soothed by anything.

The blue masked warrior didn't even know what Donatello's dream was about, so, how could he possibly help the younger?

He knew it was bad timing, _really _bad timing, but he just had to ask.

"Donny, what is it about that nightmare that affects you so much?"

He felt Don flinch against his chest and immediately hated himself for that question.

But he just _had to know_!

Donatello's breaths hitched in his throat, making it even harder for him to speak.

"I-I don't-want t-to ta-alk ab-about it."

The purple clad teenager gave up and fell silent again, afraid of what his brother might say.

Leonardo stroked over Donatello's head as gentle as possible, while whispering: "I can't help you, if you don't tell me."

Don swallowed.

"Y-you wou-wouldn't even be able t-to help me if...if I t-told you."

"And, how can you be so sure about that?"

"Well,", trying to make Leo think about something else, Don smiled slightly, "I'm smart one, re-remember?"

Leonardo wasn't amused _at all_.

"This is not funny, Donatello!" "I-know that my-myself, thank you v-very much!"

Donatello pushed himself away from his brother and jumped out of his bed, leaving a very confused and startled Leonardo behind.

*I have to get the shell out of here!*

Donatello made his way towards the door.

"You aren't going _anywhere_, Donatello!" "Just watch me!"

Don already had his hand on the doorknob, only to find himself being held back by his overprotective brother.

"That was an _order_, Donatello!" "The full-name-thing is not gonna work!" "I disagree, 'cause it always works!" "Oh yeah? Then, watch this!"

Donatello opened the door and took one step outside the room.

Right before he wanted to set another, he heard Leo's voice.

"Donatello."

His voice was angry, impatient and orderly, but also gentle and loving.

Only Leo could manage talking like that.

Donny's legs had started shaking and his eyes were stinging again.

"Damn.", he whispered clearly, before stepping back into the room and throwing himself into Leonardo's already open arms, while new tears ran down his face.

Leo couldn't help but smile.

"You were saying?"

Donny shook his head, gesturing to Leo that he wasn't in the mood, which was completely understandable.

So, Leo just started stroking over Donny's shell again, the quietly whimpering turtle holding tight onto the older.

"I guess I already know the answer, but: Need protection?"

And Donatello nodded, exhaling with relieve at the question.

Leonardo laid Donatello's arm around his shoulder and helped the still trembling turtle over to his older brother's bed.

Don immediately let himself fall into it, too exhausted to do anything but breathe.

Leo smiled sadly at the scene. He'd hardly, if ever, seen his second youngest brother like that, out counting the past few days.

And he truly didn't want to get used to that.

Leonardo laid down next to the almost sleeping Donny and pulled him close.

"You know that conversation isn't over yet, do you?"

Donatello flinched slightly.

"Well, I'm still hoping you might forget about it." "No way in shell, Donny."

Don sighed.

"Then, I guess: I'll have to tell you."

Leonardo smiled, ignoring Donny's little 'someday' at the end and let Donatello rest his head under his chin.

"If you wish,", the blue clad turtle whispered, "I can forget about it for now."

Donny smiled tiredly.

"Thanks, big brother."

Leonardo did something he hardly ever did with any of his brothers.

He kissed Don's forehead.

"You're welcome, little brother."

Donny smiled and fell asleep in his oldest brother's arms, being a little soothed.

But the question was: for how long?


	4. Agony

"Guys, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm _fine_!"

Donatello was sitting on the couch of their new lair, surrounded by his brothers. They seemed to have noticed…that something wasn't quite right with their brainiac of a brother.

Raphael shook his head firmly, not believing a single word his little brother said.

"Yoa can tell us as many times as ya want, Donny, but we ain't gonna believe ya. Ya've been actin' all strange since that…incident a few weeks before."

At that, Donatello winced slightly.

"Raphie-boy's right, Don, you don't seem to be our usual Techno Turtle."

Michelangelo was looking at his immediate older brother, eyes filled with concern.

Donatello got slightly annoyed.

Not because of their concern, but because of the whole conversation, which they had almost daily.

"How the shell do you expect me to be the 'Techno Turtle', when you force me to sit on that stupid couch all day!"

"Whoa, easy there, lil' bro! Gettin' angry's usually my part!"

Donatello's red banded brother sat down next to the second youngest teenager, whom had crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Leonardo sat down on Donatello's other side and placed his hand onto his shoulder.

"Raph's got a point, Donny. Please, try to understand: We just don't want to cause a relapse! It wasn't only, that you were dangerous and vicious back when you mutated: We also don't want you to be in such pain anymore. When you told us about your mutation and your high fever: That sounded like shell to us!"

The three brothers could hear Donatello muttering something like "It sure was…".

They looked at each other, eyes filled with pity and concern, and Michelangelo, whom was leaning on the couch, patted his older brother's head, smiling his usual smile.

"Hey, don't worry about it anymore. As long as we're with you, nothing can happen. Right, guys?"

Leonardo and Raphael looked at their youngest brother, with a surprised expression on their faces.

Did Mikey just say something…tactful?

Mikey noticed their looks.

"What? Even I get things right, sometimes." "Well, that had ta happen someday after fifteen years." "Aw, you're so mean!"

Donatello chuckled at his immediate younger and older brother's bickering. Leonardo smiled at him softly.

He loved when his little brothers chuckled.

But that single chuckle of Donatello's didn't sooth Leonardo's worry about the second youngest of the four at all.

"And, you're sure nothings bothering you, Donny?"

Leonardo could swear seeing Donatello's eyes getting wide.

"Yes, Leo. I'm perfectly fine."

He smiled at his oldest brother and stood up.

"I think I'm going to bed now. I mean, if my three bodyguards allow me to."

He smiled at his brothers, jokingly, and made his way to his and Leo's new room.

But he was held back by the blue clad warrior.

They looked into each other's eyes. Donny could've sworn to see knowledge in Leo's dark chocolate ones.

"You want us to help you?"

Donatello sighed.

"Thank you, Leo. But I think I'm still able to walk to my room on my own."

With that he freed himself from Leo's soft grip, waved him, Raph and Mikey, whom still looked very worried, good night and started walking again.

But after he had turned his back to his brothers, his face turned into a grimace, full of pain and fear.

*Don't follow me*

Desperate thoughts were running wildly through Donny's mind.

The purple wearing turtle tried to get into his room as fast as his leg would allow him to.

*Don't come after me,*, he was still thinking, narrowing his eyes to hold back the tears,*, don't see me like that!*

Donny bashed into his room and locked the door.

Then he collapsed onto the floor and gripped his leg, moaning in pain.

The tears were now streaming down his face, leaving wet lines on their way down.

He lied.

He lied to all of them.

To Raph, to Mikey, to Master Splinter.

…to Leo.

He usually told them everything, especially Leo. And now he was keeping such a terrible secret from them?

Donny tightened the grip on his leg, his body was shaking.

He has never been fully cured. He was absolutely sure of that now.

He may wasn't changing his appearance anymore, but the pain was still there. And the mutant substance was still in his already mutated blood stream. He knew it, and he felt it.

The pain in Donny's leg started to fade away. With every second, Donny's breaths got a bit smoother, until the pain was gone.

Donatello leaned his head onto the door, trying to get his breathing back to normal tempo.

He was still holding his leg. He was afraid the pain might come back, which it did so often.

Tears were still sparkling in the turtle's face.

He hated that. All of that.

The whole situation he was in was completely horrible.

Donny didn't know how long he would be able to stop himself from mutating, but he was sure running out of time.

He knew he should tell them. Of course he knew!

But he couldn't. That was his nature.

He was the calm, quiet, kindhearted one of the four of them.

He was an excellent ninja. But Donny was the type of guy who only uses violence when he has no other choice.

That package of a kindhearted turtle also included…that he didn't want to worry his family.

Back when the symptoms had started and misguided everyone to think that it was just a cold, Donny had already known that it was worse than that. But he wouldn't tell his brothers. Leo had been extremely worried and asked Donny several times if he actually was alright, but Donny would've never told him.

And because of his freaking nature, he had gotten into this mess.

The suffering turtle kept rubbing his leg. He had gotten so used to that, that he sometimes didn't even notice it anymore.

Donatello shrieked lightly when he heard pounding at the door.

"Don? You alright in there?"

Leo.

Donny should have expected.

Leo tried to open the door, only to find it locked.

"Donny, why'd you lock the door? Is something the matter?"

Donny jumped up and jerked away from the door.

It was only a matter of time until Leo'd successfully open it.

He would find out if Donny didn't think fast!

So he did the only thing that would keep Leonardo from asking questions.

He quickly got into his bed and hid under the blanket.

He buried his head into the pillow, right before he heard the door burst open.

"Donny?"

Leo saw the purple clad turtle lying in his bed, wrapped tightly into the blanket.

Leo lifted his eyebrows.

He started to walk near his younger brother, completely obvious that he wasn't sleeping.

He knew Donny to well for that.

Leo stood on the ladder of his younger brother's bed and looked down at him.

*He looks so scared*, he thought, *Like he is afraid of something causing him harm.*

Leonardo sat down onto Donatello's bed and rested his hand on his forehead.

Donatello begged to heaven that he wouldn't have fever.

But that had no use.

Leo was slightly shocked at how hot his brother's head was.

He was about to say something, but then he noticed that the younger turtle had closed his eyes tightly.

He was…scared. Scared of Leonardo.

The latter didn't understand. Why would Donny be scared of his own brother?

Leo, of course, didn't want him to be scared of anything…but _him_?

The blue clad warrior started caressing Donatello's face, reassuringly.

Donny exhaled lightly.

"It's so long ago since you had last pretended to be asleep."

Leo's voice was soft, caring, but still, it made Donny wince.

The blue wearing turtle continued.

"Remember? You were, like, eight years old."

Donatello had to force himself to lay still.

"I had borrowed you my favorite toys. Remember? My plastic katanas. I've played with them every day and you always wanted to have them, and one day, I gave in your begging."

He chuckled quietly.

"You were so happy; you didn't leave them out of your sight. I wasn't worried, because you always were the most responsible one out of Raph, Mikey and yourself. But, only one single moment, you didn't watch out for them. And the next thing you knew was that Mikey had accidently stepped on them."

Donny felt his eyes filling with tears.

He was still angry at himself for that.

Leo had stopped stroking his younger brother's face to take his hand.

"Mikey had told you that he was sorry for, like, one hundred times. But you weren't even mad at him; you knew it was an accident. But you were so scared of my reaction; you just fled and hid in our bed the whole day, hoping I wouldn't find you."

He had to smile at the memory. Back when they were only turtle toddlers, all of them had shared the same bed.

It made them feel safe.

Leo chuckled again.

"That wasn't one of your genius ideas, was it? Anyway, I opened the door, only to see you lying in our bed, shaking like shell."

Leo smiled at Donny softly.

"I must say, your way of pretending to sleep got a lot better."

Leo heard Donny sniffle quietly. At that, Leonardo felt like someone stabbed him right into the heart.

Ignoring that, the oldest turtle continued talking.

"Mikey had already told me about the whole thing. And that it hasn't been your fault, but his. That was again one of the moments when one of the two of you stood up for the other. I just couldn't be mad at you."

Leo gave Donny's hand a slight squeeze.

"Besides: Knowing how you looked out for them, like they were made from gold or something; that was the only thing that mattered to me."

Leo stroked Donny's hand with his finger.

"I could always count on you."

Donny was desperately trying to keep his breathing down and lay still.

Leo softly whispered: "Remember what I did back then?"

Donny had started to shake, trying to hold back the tears.

Leo was stroking Donny's face again.

"What did I do, Donny?"

Donny couldn't take it anymore.

He stopped pretending, which had been completely useless anyway, and threw himself into his oldest brother's arms, sobbing.

Leo smiled, wrapped his arms around Donny and held him tight.

Donny buried his face into Leo's shoulder.

"That.", the distraught teenager cracked, "You did exactly what you're doing right now."

Leonardo was softly stroking up and down Donatello's shell.

"And do you still remember what I told you?"

The older turtle was rocking Donny softly, like he did in the old times with all of his brothers, when they had nightmares.

The latter inhaled, deep.

"Y-you said: "No matter what, I know you'd never ever hurt any of us on purpose. Everybody knows that. And I want _you_ to know: when something's bothering you, don't let it eat yourself from within. Come to me. Talk to me."!"

Leo nodded.

"Exactly. And, you know what, Don?"

The younger mutant shook his head.

Leo tightened his grip.

"That hasn't changed _at all_."

Donny's sobs got louder.

"I know…b-but I...just c-can't…tell you a-about it."

"Donny, you'd feel better if you told me." "I wou-wouldn't, I-I'd only make it worse." "So, does that mean, I would only make it worse?" "That doesn't ha-have anything t-to do wi-with you at all." "Yes, it does, Donatello!"

Donny winced. Full name. Not good.

Leo didn't want to get angry, but his stubborn brother didn't leave him a choice.

He grabbed the younger teenager by his shoulders and forced him to look at him.

Donny's eyes were closed tightly and he was shaking uncontrollably at his older brother's reaction.

Leo whispered harshly, in his order voice: "Look at me!"

Donny refused. He turned his head away, but Leo turned it back.

"I. Said. Look. At. ME!"

Leo's grip on Donny's shoulders was tight. Tight and…_painful_.

He wasn't screaming, but almost yelling, and that made Donatello scared.

Extremely scared.

Tears were running down his face again, and he whimpered.

Leo slowly realized what he was doing.

"Donny."

He hugged his brother and pressed his wet face against his chest.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…I just -!"

His voice broke and he tightened his hug around Donny.

"Please, little brother."

Donatello knew exactly what Leo was going on about.

He took a deep breath. What was the use in hiding it? Leo had been comforting him from nightmares for weeks now and was waiting for an answer. It was now or never.

And never would do more harm than good.

"You were right. You were right since the beginning."

Leo listened closely.

"I'm not fine. I never was. Since my…since my…"

"Mutation."

New tears ran down Donatello's face. His hands, which were crossed around Leo's shell, started shaking.

Leo nuzzled his head against Donny's and shushed him.

Donny took a few breaths and continued.

"My leg still hurts. Even worse than before. I may don't mutate, but I'm feeling rage. So much rage, I need to hide myself until it's over, so I can't hurt any of you. I know I'll mutate again, I _feel _I'll mutate again, but the thing is: _I don't know when!_"

Donny was breathing heavily, slowly regretting everything he just said.

He looked up to Leonardo, who stared at him, face full of shock and disbelieve.

Slowly, his eyes wandered down to Donny's upper leg. Donny's eyes widened.

*What the shell was I thinking?*

The second youngest ninja turtle pushed himself away from his older brother and tried to reach the door.

But Leonardo had already grabbed Donatello's arm.

Donny tried to break free, but Leo's grip was too strong.

The younger turtle's eyes closed tightly, forming new tears.

Behind the completely distraught turtle, Leo was slowly shaking his head.

"Damn…Donny, you should've -!" "Told you? I know I should have!"

Unwillingly, Donny turned around. Desperation was read in his face. Tears were running down it again.

"But I couldn't, Leo. I couldn't. You know me…you know I don't want to worry you! And…and I just -!" "Sshh."

With that, Leo pulled his little brother into a tight, loving hug, which Donny returned, exhaling with relieve.

Leo held Donny as tight as possible. He softly stroked the back of his head.

"We'll have to tell the others."

Donny winced. He had feared Leo would say that.

As if he had read his thoughts, Leo whispered: "I know it's tough, but they have to know. Especially Master Splinter."

Donny was shaking slightly, his legs hardly carrying him.

Leonardo noticed that and laid Donatello's arm around his shoulder.

"I guess it's time to get you in bed for real, little brother."

Donatello smiled weakly, letting Leo lead him to his bed.

Then he sunk into his pillow and fell asleep almost immediately. Leo wrapped the blanket around him.

Then, he laid his hand onto Donny's forehead. Surprisingly, the fever seemed to have sunk.

Leonardo softly stroked over his younger brother's face again.

"We'll find a cure, Donny.", he whispered, "But, right now, you need to sleep."

He smiled at Donny's smooth breathing. The purple clad turtle seemed to be soothed.

"Good night, bro."

Leo started to walk into the door's direction.

"I love you."

Leo turned around at his little brother's low voice.

He smiled warmly.

"I love you too, little brother. I love all of you more than anything in the whole multiverse."

Referring to his other two younger brothers with the last statement, Leonardo closed the room door of himself and his beloved brother Donatello. And then, he broke down and sobbed.


	5. Beside You

Donatello was sitting in his bed, clutching his leg tightly, while tears ran down his face.

The pain was getting worse by the day. And Donny knew, that wasn't good at all.

"Leo!"

It was a silent cry; nobody else would have been able to hear it.

But Leo did. When it was about his brothers, Leo had ears like a predator.

Not long after his desperate cry, Donny heard the door bust open.

He immediately knew who it was.

He heard feet lifting off the ground, and with one single jump, Leonardo sat next to his brother, looking at him with concern.

Though he already had a thought what was going on, he whispered: "What's the matter, Donny?"

Donny looked up at his older brother. His eyes were filled with tears and fear.

"It just hurts so much!"

Donny sounded like a little child, like when the turtles had still been toddlers and Donny would have had a nightmare.

But only this time, the nightmare was real.

Leo immediately threw his left arm around his brother's shoulders to pull him close, and laid his right hand onto Donny's, helping him clutching his leg.

Leo's grip was stronger than Don's, so the pain was a little eased.

Leonardo leaned his head against Donny's shoulder, whispering into his ear: "Don't worry, I'm here."

Donny's breaths hitched in his throat.

An uncomfortable feeling came up his chest.

Rage.

*No, No!*, Don thought furiously, *Please, don't!*

"L-Leo!"

Donatello clutched his leg even tighter, hissing in pain.

Leonardo knew what was wrong.

He felt Donny's forehead. He was burning up!

"Donny!"

Leo took the arm, which had been thrown around Donny's shoulder, to turn his head into his direction.

"Donny, look at me!"

Donny tried to open his eyes, which were closed tightly in pain.

"Open your eyes, Donatello!"

Leo didn't want to sound harsh, but right now he was just so scared. Scared to death!

Donny opened his eyes. They were red.

No. No, no, no, _no_!

A startled expression was seen in the elder's eyes.

But he didn't care. All he cared about right now was Don.

"That's right, Donny, keep looking at me. Only at me!"

Leo's voice had risen in fear. Sweat was running down his brother's face.

Donny couldn't think straight!

Leonardo laid his hand onto Donny's cheek.

"C'mon, Donny. Keep looking at your big brother. He'll make it okay."

Donny blinked for a few times, and then his eyes had their light chocolate color back.

"L-Leo?"

Leo nodded with relieve.

"Yeah, it's me."

Donny's eyes widened and he let himself fall onto his brother's chest, his breathing uneven.

His body was shaking.

Leo had pulled the younger close and started rocking him softly.

He kept whispering things like "It's okay", and "Sshh.".

That calmed Don down slightly.

Leo had one hand resting on his younger brother's head, pressing it close against his chest.

He knew they should've told the others from the beginning. He knew!

But he couldn't tell them. The look in Donny's face when he talked about it...how much he begged Leo to stay quiet for now!

Leo just couldn't tell them. Even though he knew that was wrong.

Donny was almost asleep in the elder's arms. His breathing had gotten back to normal.

"Leo?"

Leonardo leaned his head against Donatello's. He was still warm, but he didn't seem to have too much fever.

"What is it, Donny?"

Donny used all of his strength to hold onto Leo as tight as possible.

"Don't leave."

Leo was surprised. What brought this up?

Leo tucked the younger's head back under his chin.

"What makes you think I'd leave?"

Donny buried his face deeper into the elder's chest.

"I don't know. I guess, because…at April's…I…you guys weren't there."

Donny had started trembling.

"But I wanted you to be there. I needed you!"

Leonardo felt his heart tearing apart.

He tightened his hug-like grip around his most intelligent little brother.

"I know, Donny, I know. We're all so sorry about this. But we promised each other, that we wouldn't leave you alone ever again. None of us will be left alone ever again."

He kissed Donny's forehead.

"And big brothers keep their promises."

Donny had to chuckle lightly.

"Then, what about Mikey?" "We'll force him to think like a big brother. Well, I guess I _could _leave that to Raph, but I don't want to miss the fun."

Donny chuckled again. Leo smiled.

"What's this? A hugging-party without us?"

Both turtles looked up, seeing Michelangelo and Raphael standing in the doorway.

"We couldn't find ya anywhere, Leo, and when brainiac said he'd be up ta ya guys' room because of some new project, or, whatever, and then you disappeared too, we've figured both of ya might be here."

"Actually, Raphie-Boy, was _I_ the one who figured that out."

Raph growled and smacked Michelangelo on the back of his head.

"Ow! Hey!"

Leo and Donny chuckled. Donny's eyes had closed again.

Raph and Mikey looked at him. Worried.

"What's with Donny?"

Leo stroked up and down said turtles shell. He looked so peaceful. Even though he wasn't.

Leo turned his head to look at his concerned younger brothers.

"He isn't feeling well."

The red and orange clad turtles looked at each other. Both had one of their eyebrows raised.

Leo didn't sound like he'd be telling the truth. The whole truth.

"Leo, what -?" "Aw, man, just get your shells up here!"

Leo didn't sound harsh, but a little bit impatient.

Raphael and Michelangelo, again, looked at each other.

The same expression was placed in both their faces.

A protective one.

Then they also jumped and joined Leo on their brother's bed.

Leo smiled. He knew that was going to happen.

He softly pulled Donny into his lap, careful, not to wake him.

Mikey, who sat on Leo's right and in front of Donny, took his immediate older brother's hand and stroked it softly with his thumb. Raph, who sat behind his younger brother, had started drawing soothing circles on Donny's shell.

They heard how their brother's breathing was all smooth now.

The turtles smiled at their brother, then at each other.

"Best friends forever.", Leonardo whispered.

"Brothers forever.", Raphael whispered.

"Turtles forever.", Michelangelo whispered.

"…together forever.", Donatello mumbled quietly.

Without any words needed, the four ninja hugged each other tightly, Donny in the middle.

And they whispered almost simultaneously: "I love you guys."

With that, Don fell asleep. His brothers stayed beside him the whole night.

But still: Donny's sleep was anything but peaceful.

The End


	6. No Way Out

"_H…hello? Guys?"_

_Donatello looked around nervously. He was surrounded by darkness. An uncomfortable darkness._

_He started to walk, but seemed to be stuck on the spot he was standing on._

"_What the shell?"_

_He again tried to move, but no use. Suddenly he heard something._

"_Hello? Mikey?"_

_Donny turned around to where the sound had come from. "Mikey, if that's another one of your pranks -!" A loud growl was heard. Donny whirled around. "M…Mikey?" Don saw something move. He took a few steps near it, surprised at the fact that he was able to move. Slowly making his way towards the shadow, Donny's eyes narrowed. Suddenly he heard a loud roar. His eyes widened._

"_No…"_

_Blood red eyes stared back at the turtle. The figure blinked once._

"_WHOA!" Donny felt himself being pulled inside the ground, the eyes still staring at him._

_And then he fell. Donny screamed in fear._

_To his surprise he landed inside their lair._

"_Ow…what the -?"_

_Donny got up and rubbed his head. He looked around. Everything seemed just normal._

_**CRASH!**_

_Don whirled around. Mikey was lying on the ground. He had crashed through the wall of Donny's room. "MIKEY!" Mikey didn't seem to hear him. The orange banded turtle struggled to get up._

"_Donny, no!" Don's eyes widened. Why did Leo -?_

_Another loud roar. And Leo was sent through the wall. Donny was too startled too move._

"_Leave 'em alone!" And another loud roar. This time it was Raphael who crashed through the wall. Donny trembled in shock and disbelieve. What was going on?_

"_Guys!" The purple wearing ninja ran towards his brothers, wanting to help them up._

_He bent down to take Raph's arm, but…_

_It wasn't tangible. Donny couldn't touch his brother._

_The second youngest ninja looked at his hands, then at his brothers. They didn't even seem to notice him. "What in the shell -?"_

_The wall cracked open once more. A big dusty cloud prevented Donny from seeing the cause. Leo, Raph and Mikey stood, eyes wide._

_The cloud vanished. Donny gasped. A big, croc-like turtle was glaring at the three injured turtles, its blood red eyes shining bright._

_Donatello couldn't believe what he saw. "No…no, this can't be!"_

_The monster roared loudly and swiped Raphael against the next wall. The red banded warrior growled his famous growl. Leonardo and Michelangelo jumped onto the monster, trying to calm it down._

"_Donny, stop it!" "That's not you!"_

_This only let the monster's rage grow. It grabbed the orange clad turtle and threw it against Raphael._

"_Mikey!"_

_Then the monster grabbed Leonardo and crashed him onto the ground, its left claw at the leader's throat._

_Mikey's eyes widened. Raph screamed. Donny only stared._

_Leo looked at the monster, his voice hoarse: "Donny…little brother…no…"_

_The monster growled louder than ever and raised its right claw._

"_LEO!"_

_After one blink the scene was gone. Donny was back in that dark black place, still in shock and breathing heavily._

_He fell onto his knees, whimpering. This didn't just happen, it couldn't -!_

_Don heard a slight growl. He looked up, hatred in his eyes. The blood red eyes were still staring. Don awaited the monster, the mutant, to finally come out of the shadows, to face the turtle._

_Steps were heard. The figure stepped out of the shadows._

_Donatello's eyes went wide. A gasp escaped his throat. His body started to tremble._

_He was staring at himself._

* * *

"NO!"

Donatello darted up in his bed, breathing uneven, heart racing.

This hasn't just been a normal nightmare. It was too different from the others.

"Donny?" "You okay, bro?" "What's the matter?"

Don felt arms wrapping around his body, hands patting his head and running over his chest.

He was trembling. The pain in his leg had gotten much worse. The nightmare was still flashing inside of his mind. It killed him on the inside

Soothing circles were rubbed on his shell. "We're here, little brother."

His sweating head was caressed. "Don't worry, Donny."

His chest was stroked. "Ya bros are protectin' you, kiddo."

He killed Leo.

"Calm down", Mikey whispered.

He killed Leo.

"Nothin's going ta hurt ya", Raph soothed.

He killed Leo.

"Just relax", Leo cooed.

Don killed Leo.

It wasn't just Don's mutation who killed Leo. Don did it. Don did it himself.

"We're right here." So what? What was the use in them being here?

"It's alright." No, it wasn't!

"Just a nightmare, bro." No, it was not 'just a nightmare'!

Donny felt it. He killed his brother. Donatello killed his big brother.

A sharp pain ran through his leg. Donny winced. He looked down at his leg.

The muscles were growing.

Don screamed. He pushed his brothers away. He flew out of the room, leaving his brothers with startled expressions on their faces. Leonardo clenched his fists. "No…"

Raphael smacked his arm.

"Snap outta it, Leo! We gotta go after Donny!" Leo looked at him…and nodded. With that, the three brothers went after the purple clad turtle, which was almost out of the lair.

"Donny! Wait!"

Tears were welling up Donny's eyes. The pain in his leg was unbearable.

*Stay away,*, Don thought desperately, *Stay away from me.*

The pain was getting worse. And worse. The muscles were growing faster. Rage was boiling up Donny's chest.

"No, NO!"

He collapsed onto the ground, gripping his leg, trying to stop the muscles from growing. But he knew that wouldn't have any use.

The growing muscles had moved up to Donny's belly, chest, hands. Don looked at them, with begging and hopelessness.

"No, no, please!" Donny sobbed, moaned in pain, cried. He was so scared!

His brothers caught up to him. They froze at what they saw. Leo started to tremble.

He shook his head. "No…this can't be. Not now. Not now!"

Don had jerked up. He was standing, his whole body trembling and the muscles growing.

He turned around.

His brother's gasped.

Donny's eyes were shining in a blood red color.

And he whispered, his voice deep and so different from his usual voice. It was filled with begging.

"Help…me…"

The three brothers just stared. Donny let out a blood freezing scream.

The next thing he knew was that he was hungry. His stomach longed for food.

His eyes caught a pleasing meal. His prey seemed to be horrified.

How much he loved that!

Donatello growled and darted forward. His prey dodged, eyes wide.

Oh, how much Donatello loved to play with his food! He whirled around and growled again.

One of his sacrifices was protecting another one, with an orange bandana.

Donatello growled. He immediately knew which one of his three sacrifices he wanted first.

He darted forward to the orange and red banded beings. The red one let something like a growl escape his mouth. Pathetic. The orange one seemed uneasy over something. He kept trying to get away from the others protection, but then he clung onto him in fear.

Donatello heard a voice.

"Donny, no!"

He didn't care. He was close to his food. He raised his claw and stroke the red being against a wall.

The orange one's eyes widened. "Donny, no! Wait!"

Donatello roared.

**SWIPE!**

The orange clad being fell to the ground, unconscious.

Donatello made his way towards the being, to finish it off.

* * *

"_Donny, stop it!"_

* * *

Donatello's eyes widened!

* * *

"_Don't ya dare ta touch Mikey!"_

* * *

He had started trembling.

* * *

"_YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!"_

* * *

_._

_.  
_

_.  
_

Realization found its way into Donatello's face. He sunk his claw. What did he just do? He tried to kill his little brother! Mikey was lying on the ground, unconscious, because of _him_!

Donny shook his head. He trembled back from the on the ground lying turtle and ran.

He ran and ran and didn't take a glance back. His monster body made him able to bust through the wall of the lair, out in the sewers.

Leonardo and Raphael ran towards their baby brother.

"Mikey? Mikey, wake up!"

Raph was holding the youngest close and shook him slightly.

He looked up to Leo.

"Leo, what just happened?"

Leo was about to answer when he heard a gentle, but firm voice.

"My sons, what is going on?"

Both, Raphael and Master Splinter were now looking at Leo.

The blue clad turtle took a deep breath.

"Donny is having a relapse."


	7. The Nightmare Begins

Air.

Donatello needed air.

His breaths hitched in his throat and he whimpered. Tears were running down his face.

This wasn't real.

This couldn't be real.

Donatello had actually tried to kill his brothers.

To _eat _them!

He could still see Mikey, lying on the ground, unconscious.

He was finally turning into a monster. Like he had feared for so many weeks.

One question burned in his oh so brilliant mind: Why? Why was all of this happening to him? Hadn't he gone through so much already? He had been kidnapped by the Triceratons, tortured by their mind-reading-machine, sent to a terrible future, stuck in another dimension to find April's lost uncle, had had to fight imaginary creatures because of that guy named Kirby!

And, of course, he had to go through horrible pain because of Agent Bishop and his damn outbreak!

And now…now his brothers hated him. How couldn't they? Donatello had turned into a ruthless monster and almost killed their youngest brother! How couldn't they hate him?

But still…Donny couldn't comprehend that it was over.

His carefree time (well, as carefree as the life of a ninja turtle could be) with his brothers, the ninjutsu training with their master, talking 'geek' with April, working on his inventions, fighting side-by-side with his brothers against various enemies; All of that was over now.

More tears came flowing out of his eyes. *Why am I so messed up?*

He pulled his knees up and hugged them, while soft sobs escaped his throat.

"I'm sorry, guys.", Don whimpered. "I'm so sorry!"

* * *

_**Mikey was staring at him, eyes filled with pure horror as the monster launched at him, with its claw raised.**_

_**"**__**Donny, no! Wait!"**_

_**Swipe!**_

* * *

Donny clamped his eyes shut. He shuddered at the memory and his stomach lurched painfully.

*Forgive me, Mikey. Please, forgive me.*

"Now, whom do we have here?"

A quick shudder ran through his body when he heard that all too familiar voice. Donny lifted his head, his vision blurry. An evil chuckle was heard.

"I see. So, your body hasn't been able to reject any longer, has it?"

Don stiffened. How did he know? What was going on?

He heard someone snapping his finger and then felt being lifted up and thrown over a shoulder. At least that was what Donny thought it was. It was cold and…metal.

He weakly lifted his head. A pair of dark eyes, covered by sunglasses was staring down at him. Don was able to register a smirk.

"Don't worry, Donatello. Soon, you'll know even more than you want to."

Donny struggled to stay awake. Mentally cried for his brothers. Only to remember the latest incident. His dried tears were joined by fresh ones, before his eyelids dropped, his last thought being: *Guys…*.

Don's head sunk down, his face wet. The person narrowed his eyes, still grinning, and stepped forward to grab Don's ShellCell.

"Your brothers would be very worried when they heard my voice, wouldn't they? For you're in no shape to talk."

Agent Bishop's smirk turned darker. "Too bad you couldn't properly say 'fare well' to them."

He smashed the ShellCell against a nearby building. His gaze then met the dark eyes of the one who was carrying Don.

"Bring him to the helicopter and do as we planned. I'm positive that his brothers and Sensei won't hesitate to go look for him."

"I don't see the use, Agent Bishop. As I know Donatello, he had found ways to track each other down without their cells. Which is, I have to say, something every third class engineer would be able to manage. It's just a simple -!"

"I'm not interested in your thoughts, Stockman. I'm not stupid; of course Donatello invented something to track his brothers. Which is why we need to hurry!" Bishop's voice got very dangerous at the last statement. Baxter Stockman knew better than say different than his 'boss' when he used that tone.

He turned around and walked over to the helicopter, Donatello's body hanging limp over his shoulder.

Stockman glanced at him. *He probably thinks that his brothers hate him now.*, the thoughts crossed his mind as he remembered how close the three brothers seem to be, *Total nonsense. But I honestly wonder why their bond is so strong…*

While he was carried to a helicopter and followed by the man who had hunted his nightmares for months, a memory crept into Donny's exhausted and haunted mind. A memory from long ago…

* * *

_"__Come and get me, slowpokes!"_

_Mikey was laughing loudly, while running deeper into the sewers. No way would his brothers catch up to him. Being the fastest is quite helpful for the youngest of four brothers._

_"__Stop runnin' away, ya knucklehead!" "Master Splinter will be very mad!" "Come back here this instant, Michelangelo!"_

_Mikey rolled his eyes. Leo was talking like a big guy. That always annoyed the shell out of the five-year-old._

_The orange masked turtle ran through a twisted sewer tunnel and found himself in a room with many pipes. Perfect to climb on._

_He turned around, seeing his brothers still far away. "Hey, guys! Look what I can do!"_

_The turtle tot jumped onto a pipe and started climbing._

_"__Mikey!" "Y'nuts?!" "Mikey, stop!"_

_Mikey pretty much ignored his older brother's yells. *They're such a bunch of party poopers.*_

_Mikey pulled himself up a very big pipe, very high in the air. For a five year old, anyway._

_He sat down on the pipe and looked down. Beneath him, there was a deep hole, filled with sewer water and pipes sticking out of the walls, where more water flowed out from. He grinned down at his brothers, who were terrified, disappointed and very angry. *Hehe, Leo and Raph totally in character.*_

_He shot a glance and a smirk at his red banded brother. "Hey, Raphie! Bet ya can't do that?"_

_He let himself fall backwards and gripped the pipe with his leg, now hanging upside down on the pipe, waving at his brothers._

_"__Mikey!" Leo's scream hurt Mikey's ears. "What's your problem? Nothing could possibly happe – WHOOOA!"_

_The pipe broke. A big crack in Mikey's self-confidence. The young turtle screamed and crashed against a few pipes on his way down._

_"__MIKEY!"_

_Leo and Raph heard two loud splashes._

…_wait, two?_

_The two eldest stared at the water. Donny was desperately trying to reach Mikey._

_"__DONNY!"_

_Raph and Leo didn't think. __Couldn't__ think. They just jumped._

_Donny was almost at Mikey's side. The water kept rising and small but powerful waves splashed against Donny's face._

_"__Hang on, Mikey! I'm almost…there!"_

_The purple banded turtle gripped his unconscious immediate younger brother's arm and slung it over his shoulder. "Don't worry! -!" He coughed and spit water. "I'll get you outta here!"_

_He struggled against the water, his five year old body losing strength. He desperately tried to keep Mikey and himself over water._

_"__A-al…most…"_

_Donny's strength was gone and he couldn't do anything as he and his little brother sunk. Water filled his lungs. Mikey slipped out of his grip. Donny's scream was unheard._

_Suddenly he felt a firm grip on his arm. He felt being pulled up to air, but was unable to breath, the water blocking his respiratory tract._

_He felt how his shell met stone, how someone put pressure on his chest._

_"__Come on, Donny, breathe!" Were that tears falling on Donny's face?_

_"__Mike, c'mon, don't'cha guys do this ta us!" Was it really Raphie sobbing?_

_Donny felt an urge need to throw up. But instead, the water left his throat, lungs. He didn't even realize he had sat up. Donny coughed and shivered._

_"__Thank god!" Leo wrapped his arms around his second youngest brother and started sobbing. Donny didn't return the hug. He was too weak. And only interested in one thing._

_"__M…Mikey?"_

_He felt Leo turn around, with him still in his arms. Mikey was leaning against a crying Raph, coughing. Raph and Leo moved towards each other, with their little brothers still cradled up their chests. They wrapped one arm around each other and the other around both of their little brothers._

_"__We thought we'd lost ya." Raph nuzzled Mikey's head._

_"__Don't scare us like that. Ever. Again." Leo laid his head onto Donny's, which was resting against his chest. The two youngest were breathing smoothly. Donny reached for Mikey's hand._

_"__You…okay?"_

_Mikey squeezed Donny's hand back._

_"__Good…as new…"_

_Donny chuckled. He looked up at Leo. "Thanks for…save-saving us, bi…big brothers!"_

_Mikey closed his eyes as Raph nuzzled his head. "You're…the best!"_

_The two eldest moved even closer together, having both their little brothers in some kind of two-way-hug._

_"__Wrong, guys." "_You _are the best!"_

_The four turtle brothers sat like that for some more minutes, clinging onto each other._

_*Never again*, Leo thought determinedly, *They will never, __ever__ get hurt again!*_

_*No way*, Raph thought and growled while hugging his brothers tighter, *No way I'll let somethin' hurt them again.*_

_*There's no chance*, Donny thought, leaning into the embrace, still exhausted, "There's no chance I let Mikey or the others get hurt again. I'd rather get hurt myself."_

_*Maybe*, Mikey thought, almost asleep, *Maybe I should listen to my bros a little more often.*_

* * *

Tears ran down Donny's face.

*I have sworn. And now _I'm _the reason for their pain.*


	8. What To Do?

"How the shell couldn't you tell us?!"

Raphael's muscular body was shaking violently as he grabbed various items and smashed them against the wall. Rage was written all over his face. Michelangelo was lying on the couch, staring into space, slowly repeating the words 'This isn't happening…', while Master Splinter took care of his wounds.

Leonardo was standing near the couch, his gaze locked to the ground. Tears burned in his eyes, but he didn't let them fall.

"Raph, I -!" Leonardo couldn't finish. A hand had lashed out and grabbed his throat.

The blue banded turtle looked into the hazel eyes of his immediate younger brother.

"What, Leo?!" Raphael squeezed Leo's throat so tight, he almost couldn't breathe.

But Leo didn't fight back. He didn't see a need to. He deserved to suffer.

"What'cha gonna say now, huh? What brilliant strategy was the reason for all this, 'Fearless Leader'? Did ya think keepin' quiet would be best for Donny? Shell, did ya _like_ ta see him like this?"

Raph yelped when a fist slammed hard against his jaw. The hot headed turtle trembled back and looked at his immediate older brother in shock.

Leo's hands were balled to fists and his eyes were filled with rage. His body was shaking with anger, his eyes narrowed to slits.

"Don't you dare to ever say something like that, Raphael. How do you think I felt, huh? Seeing Donny in so much agony every day? Having to wrap my arms around him, so he could finally sleep? Waiting for him to jerk up in his sleep because of the terrible nightmares he suffered from?

"Living with the fear that he might mutate into that vicious monster again?" Leo laughed, humorless. "You really think I _liked_ all these feelings? I know keeping quiet was wrong."

He looked down at the ground.

"Shell, of course I knew! But, tell me, Raph: What would you have done, if Donatello had looked at you with wide, teary, _begging_ eyes? What would you have done if you held him in your arms while everything he had to say was 'I'm so sorry for doing this to you'? Would you really have broken his trust like that? Would you?!" "That's no apology!"

Raphael had recovered from his shock and the rage was back. He didn't care at all about what his elder brother had to say. All just lame excuses.

What he did was unforgivable.

"You could've talked to me! We could've searched for a solution together! We could've -!" "You really think that would have been best? You only would have screamed at Donny for not telling us sooner!" "That would've been better than what you did!" "I realized what I did was wrong!" "About time!" "How come you are still arguing with me over this?" "What'cha expectin' me ta do? Sayin' that ya haven't done anythin' wrong and that everythin's fine? Know what? Fine my _ass_!" "Raphael!"

The two eldest stopped their bickering immediately.

Their father's gaze was locked to the ground. He was absently patting Michelangelo's shaking hand.

"Both of you have a reason to be angry. But right now, the best is to ignore that rage you two are feeling. And focus on what is important."

Master Splinter looked up. His grey eyes were filled with pain.

"Your younger brother is in a terrible state. And he is all alone. And as we know Donatello, he is probably blaming himself."

The two eldest balled their fists. Raphael growled and shook a little, shaking his head while holding back his tears.

It was silent for a long moment that felt like an eternity.

Until a hoarse voice broke through the silence.

"Are we gonna find Donny, Sensei?"

Three pairs of eyes landed on the youngest turtle.

Michelangelo's sky blue eyes were sad and tears were sparkling in them.

The old rat wrapped his arms around his youngest son. Mikey leaned into the hug, almost crushing his father. He buried his head into the elderly rat's shoulder.

Master Splinter softly stroked the back of his son's head. His eyes were squeezed shut, preventing tears from falling.

"Of course we will find Donatello. Do not worry, my son."

The two eldest exchanged glances. Both were thinking the same;

*Is he sure?*


	9. The One Responsible

*hides behind desk*...you guys hate me yet?_  
_

I know. Two years. It's been two freakin' years since my last update. Wanna know why? I HAVE NO IDEA! *sob* I really, really hope you forgive me for letting you all down like that...I honestly didn't mean to!

But I'm back now, so...yay?

Oh, and, just so you guys know, I've rewritten the other chapters, so it's clear that they all belong to the same story. It's a lot easier to read now, at least that's what I think. So, if you're interested, go and read the story all over again! xD

I love all of you, my dear readers! And I love Donny! So why do I torture him like that? I DON'T KNOW! *hides in emo corner*

* * *

_There was fog. Fog everywhere. He lifted his hand, waved it in front of his face. He couldn't see it._

_Donatello blinked, turned his head in every direction. Where was he? What was this place?_

"_Don't leave them, Donatello."_

_The voice was dark and hoarse. Hopeless even. He wanted to follow it but it seemed to come from every direction._

"_Who are you?" "Don't leave them." "What do you mean?" "They need you." "Wait!"_

_The voice was starting to fade. Donatello stiffened. His body was starting to hurt. Scratches began to from on his arms and chest and the burning pain that shot through his upper leg sent the teenager to his knees. He started to hear strange voices. Cold voices. And something that sounded like a helicopter._

* * *

"Look, Agent Bishop. I think he is starting to regain consciousness."

Donatello squeezed his eyes shut. The light was too bright. He wanted to go back to sleep, into darkness, the darkness of his own mind.

"Good morning, Donatello."

Much to his own dismay, but his eyes immediately opened at that menacing voice. He knew that voice. Oh, he knew it all too well.

"Bishop." Donatello coughed as he spit out the hated name. His throat was sore, like he wouldn't have had water for days.

Agent Bishop was watching him, his eyes hidden by his regular sunglasses, a sadistically satisfied smile gracing his features. Next to him stood, looking fresher than ever, something that used to be Doctor Baxter Stockman.

A brain with a dark eye attached to it where floating inside a transparent container, filled with some light blue liquid. Don was able to locate a dark skinned, paper-like eyelid above the floating eye. It blinked occasionally. The container was sued to a robotic monstrosity: it was dark grey, with spikes on the shoulders, reminding one of The Shredder. Instead of hands, attached to the arms were sharp claws and the belly seemed to hold a gun.

Donatello's eyes widened. Since the Mousers incident, he didn't hold lots of sympathy for the dark skinned scientist, but this was…this cruelty simply left the sensitive turtle speechless.

"S…Stockman? Shell, what did Bishop do to you?"

The eye inside the container blinked and Stockman seemed to want to say something, but he was interrupted.

"Doctor Stockman should be happy I even allowed him a new body. After all the disappointing failures I had to go through because of him."

And much to Donatello's surprise, there was no arrogant remark from the brilliant but bigheaded scientist. Instead, he withdrew himself back into the shadows of the helicopter, his brain slightly bowing in…shame?

Before Donatello could analyze this small action, Bishop spoke again.

"My, Donatello. Always so curious, but you are not going to ask why all of this is happening?"

The agent pushed up his glasses, his smirk widening. "I must say, I'm mildly disappointed."

The smug, cruel tone of his voice made the young genius sick. He gritted his teeth in a way that would have made Raphael jealous.

The familiar burning sensation behind his eyelids returned to Donatello at the thought.

Raphael. Leonardo. Michelangelo.

Mikey. _Mikey_.

"I hurt Mikey…" It was merely a whisper. But Bishop understood every word.

"Ah, I see. And this is why you ran away, am I correct?" The turtle didn't answer. But the way it turned his tensed face away assured Bishop that he was right. He chuckled darkly.

"Very well. If you are not going to chat with me, I might as well just…"

Agent Bishop took out a remote. His thumb danced over a red button.

"…demonstrate what I did to you."

He pressed the button. And before Donny knew it, he screamed his soul out.

His muscles were growing.


	10. Grasping The Hope

It was raining. Cold, heavy raindrops were splashing on their bodies as they jumped, from rooftop to rooftop. From time to time, a flash of lightning would break through the darkness, followed by a roar of thunder.

It's always raining. Always storming when something terrible happened. Why was that? Was it because some almighty being wanted to show the relatives that it felt with them? Or was it because all light and happiness left…when Donatello left?

Leonardo bit his lower lip and held back his tears. He couldn't think like that. Donatello only disappeared about an hour ago. They could still find him. He had to be in the city. Where else would he be? He'd probably hid himself in a dark alley. Cold. Alone. Blaming himself.

That thought broke the leader's heart and he sped up. They had to find him. They _would_ find him.

…right?

"He ain't nowhere 'round here, Leo!"

He stopped, watched as Raphael came to stand in front of him, hands on his knees and panting. Leonardo balled his hands to fists.

"He has to be. We've searched the entire city for him." He started to shake as he thought of Donatello, scared and hurt and all alone. "In his state…"

Raphael nodded in understanding. He ran his hand over his face, thinking.

"Maybe Mike's got somethin'." The leader nodded and grabbed for his ShellCell.

"Michelangelo? Mikey, it's Leo. Did you find anything?" There was silence for some moments.

"Couple of Purple Dragons and some straying cats, but no Donny." Sniffle.

The two eldest tensed. Raph was shaking with anger.

"Dat…dat ain't possible! We've scoped the whole city, every corner, every junkyard, every fuckin' INCH! Where else could Donny be but here?! When I find the asshole who did this to him, I'm gonna ram my fuckin' foot up their fuckin' ASS!"

The red banded turtle rammed his fist into the hard concrete of the rooftop and screamed. Leonardo was unsure if it was because of the pain or his desperation. Suddenly an idea struck Leo. Of course! Why didn't he think of that sooner! It was so damn _obvious_!

"We have another choice."

Raphael lifted his head at his elder brother's voice. Tears were burning in his eyes and Leonardo did his best to ignore them.

Mikey spoke up: "What do you mean, Leo?"

Said turtle lifted his ShellCell so both his brothers could hear him better.

"April. We'll ask her to track Donny's ShellCell down. And if that doesn't work…" Leo bit his lip. He couldn't continue.

There was silence between the three brothers. Leonardo pulled Raphael up, patted his shell, but the hothead pushed him away, growling.

Again, it was Mikey on the other end of the line who broke the silence.

"I sent April a text message. Let's go home!"

"Anything?"

Leonardo had been pacing around the room for about ten minutes, but stopped, now standing next to their human friend. Raphael was torturing his punching bag and Michelangelo was sitting on the couch, a comic book in his hands. But they all doubted that he was reading. Master Splinter sat next to him, his shaking paws clutching a cup of tea. It was already cold.

April was furiously typing on the computer, while running some program or whatever. Leo didn't know and he didn't care. All he cared about were results.

The redhead shook her head. Dried tears were shining on her white cheeks.

"No matter what I do, I can't seem to find a signal. It's like he disappeared from the face of the earth."

That thoughtless comment made Leo think about the Triceratons. He shuddered and hoped there was more.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" "I'm afraid if this program fails…"

She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. Something inside Leo seemed to break.

"There may be another way, Miss O'Neil."

Thy typing stopped. All eyes were fixed on the elderly rat on the couch. He had sat his tea aside and rested his paws on his knees. His shaking was barely noticeable, but Leo did nonetheless. A lump formed in his throat, seeing his father like this.

Master Splinter spoke up: "After Leonardo got ambushed by The Shredder's Elite-"

They all held their breaths for a second. "Donatello came to me. With three small, technological devices in his hand.

"_What might this be, my son?" "They're tracking devices. You know? Like our ShellCells. But unlike them, this baby here is a lot more sensitive and of course, not as easy to lose. For I…"_

_The rat's genius son suddenly stopped and sheepishly scratched his head. Master Splinter was curious._

"_Continue, Donatello. I would like to hear your idea."_

_The teenager nodded. "Well, technically, the ShellCells are very unhandy, for imagine our belts get loose and they fall out or someone snatches them from us. So I figured, why not use something we hardly, if ever, take off? And well…Master, I planned to put these in my brothers' bandanas."_

_Master Splinter said nothing but nodded to his son to continue._

"_Because, well…wh-when Leo got ambushed…" The sensitive turtle was now shaking. "I…we should've known. _I _should've known! I'm the techno turtle, the one who builds all our devices and vehicles and keeps annoying everybody with the security systems! I should've been able to help him, but instead I fai-!" "Donatello."_

_The genius looked up. Tears were sparkling in his eyes. The elderly rat tilted his head in sympathy and took Donny's hands in his. He knew it would be useless to tell the young turtle that he has not failed Leonardo. In this case, they were very similar. They would hold on to their alleged mistakes and blame themselves, no matter what one would tell them._

_So Master Splinter simply told you second youngest: "I think this is a very good idea my son. I honestly do." Donatello's innocent face lightened up immediately and he hugged his Master, who gladly returned the embrace._

"_Thank you so much, Master!" "Do not thank me, Donatello. Be proud of yourself for this amazing invention. But-"_

_The ninjutsu master let go of the purple clad turtle, eyeing him curiously._

"_Why is there only three devices?"_

_The genius blinked, looking at the technical items in his hand._

"_Oh! I didn't even notice!"_

"Donny as we know 'em."

Raph had walked over to his tale telling father and smiled, wiping his hand over his eyes. His brothers were also at the edge of tears. April was already letting them run. Master Splinter also absently wiped away a few tears as he continued: "Yes. Donatello would always hold his brothers' safety over his own. And when I asked him to please also build one of these devices for himself he answered:

"_When I get to it, Sensei. Leo's ShellCell is broken and I need to make the ShellCycle faster for Raph."."_

This made all of them chuckle.

Splinter took a deep breath. This was the only glimpse of hope they had that moment. Maybe at all.

"Do you think that it would be possible to track down Donatello's bandana, Miss O'Neil?"


	11. Demonic

Pain. Rage. Guilt. Screams. So many impressions, falling down on him, all at once, suffocating him, crashing his lungs.

Even more pain. More rage. More guilt. More screams. Loud screams, fearful screams.

Mikey's screams. Echoing in his head. Torturing him to no end. He yearned for freedom, freedom of those tormenting screams and emotions, freedom of his oppressive mind, freedom of the malicious shadows sneaking through his head and poisoning his soul.

Donatello tried to move but his limbs seemed dead, not attached to any muscles of his body. A flash of light invaded his mind, making the shadows part, creep into the depths of his head, attaching themselves permanently into the back of his mind. Donatello wanted to scream, but something kept him, as if his throat was tied. Pain started to jolt through his body, not emotional, but physical pain, which made him feel as if he would be burned alive. Cold hands roughly grabbed him, put even more pressure on the burning spots, making Donatello want to scream until his voice would leave him. He wanted to lash out, to punch, to kick, to hurt but at the same time to curl into a ball and cry, cry for his father, cry for his brothers.

His brothers. Leo. Raph. Mikey. They weren't here. He left them. He hurt them. Almost killed them. They would not come for him. Not this time. Not after what he had done to them.

His shell met a cold surface. Hard. Concrete maybe. Or steel. Donatello could not identify what he was put on, his mind was too nebulized. His hands were grabbed, chained to the cold surface, his feet also. The cold crept through his body, mixing with the pain, numbing him from within, making his insides squirm. He could hear voices, male ones, female ones, all mixed together to a menacing background noise. He could not make out what they were saying, but it scared him nonetheless, because he knew, he _knew_ that they were talking about him. What they would do to him, what they had done to him. And why they were doing it.

Donatello again tried to move, just to ensure himself that he was still alive, not a bodiless spirit forevermore tormented in the afterlife. He tried to curl his fingers, his toes, to lift his head, but he felt exhaustion overwhelming him with every single try, making him sick and his head throb. He tried to scream but could not even open his mouth, let alone form a noise. And slowly realization crept into his misted mind, that he had been drugged, so that he would not defy whatever would come. This made him feel ever so helpless, even more than before, made the urge for comfort unbearable. Donatello wished nothing more than to crawl into his shell and hide, hide from the dangers that lurked on the outside, so far away from his home and his family.

The voices grew silent, steps were heard, fast, hurried, the feet barely touching to ground. The walking stopped and Donatello assumed that he was being watched, examined, alert eyes studying every inch of his sore body. Darkly, he could remember the last encounter with the man who perhaps stood in front of him, the ruthless eyes hidden by sunglasses, a sick grin across his face, his fingers excitedly holding a remote.

Donatello's urge to riot returned in an instant, he did his best to form at least one scream, but he couldn't, whatever drugs they had pumped into his body were keeping him helpless, defenseless. Agent Bishop started to speak, his voice cold and relentless, holding a vibe of anticipation. "He is awake. Narcotize him once more. Then start with the research."

All the rage, all the fear he was feeling united when Bishop spoke that sentence, built an enormous urge to fight, to shield himself from what was about to come and again he tried to scream, even more when the needle broke into his skin, injecting him once more and his insides were on fire, his mind in ruins and he screamed and screamed.

And this time the scream left his throat.


	12. Leo's Guilt

A glimpse into the family members' minds. Leo is first. Enjoy!

* * *

There was a whirring noise inside Leonardo's head. No thoughts were running through his mind, no plans, no strategic ideas how to find their missing brother. Leonardo was numb on the inside and out, staring into the water that was flowing before him, registering the floating cans and the soft waves but not seeing them at the same time.

After Splinter's suggestion to track down Donny's mask April had at first tried to find the needed data for the search, but after an hour she still hadn't found anything. According to her, it was because Donny had hidden the information of the tracking devices somewhere only an advanced mind like his could find it. Any other day that would have made Leo proud. But today it had simply frustrated him to the point where he wished to slap the genius turtle in the face, for making it so damn hard for them to find him. Which in turn had made him feel guilty. At that point, he had decided to leave the lair.

He was sitting somewhere in the sewers. He was not entirely sure where and if he had ever been here before. He had just kept on running until he was breathless. If training was the best thing to keep his mind from depressing thoughts, running came in a close second. He didn't want to run away from the problems. On the contrary, he is well known for trying to solve problems to the point where others get unbelievably annoyed. He just wanted to stop thinking for some time. Because if he didn't think, he didn't feel. And feeling hurt. It hurt _a lot_.

He wasn't even trying to tell himself that it wasn't his fault, because he knew it _was_. If he had told someone, if he had told at least _one_ person, maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't be in this mess right now. Donny wouldn't have had to suffer all those weeks. Donny wouldn't have had to be scared of making the others suspicious. Donny would still be _here_.

Leo's fight with Raphael before had opened his eyes. Right after saying his words of defense, he had realized how _pathetic_ he sounded. Blaming it on his big brother instincts. Ridiculous. Disgusting. If Raph had been in his situation, he would have told him right away, despite their little brother's protests. That's what Leo should have done. Doing what was best for Donny, not what Donny wanted him to do. Leo was the one to blame. Leo was the one at fault. Leo caused their gentle brother to disappear. Leo was pathetic. Leo was a failure. A failure as a leader and even worse: a failure as a big brother.

Leo had failed. He had failed his family. He had failed _Donny_.

Failure.

Failure.

Failure.

"Leonardo!"

Leo's sight was blurry. He was crying. He hadn't noticed. Confusion sunk into his features as he discovered himself kneeling on the ground. His right fist was throbbing.

"Leonardo, what has got into you?"

Leatherhead. Leo recognized the deep, gentle voice. He lifted his head only to let it hang again. He felt ashamed. Ashamed for his tears. Ashamed for his state. Ashamed for his failure.

"Leonardo." He felt strong, reptilian skinned hands softly grabbing him by the shoulders, settling him in a sitting position. Leo didn't react, had even forgotten about the tear stains on his cheeks. If he was ashamed before, now, after not even three seconds, he didn't care anymore. Silence settled between the two reptiles, Leo's thoughts fading into blissful nothingness, his failure not forgotten, but moved into the depths of his mind, fought back for at least a moment of simple peace. Leatherhead was watching him attentively, trying to figure out what was amiss with pure willpower but of course not succeeding. "My friend, I am sorry, but I have to ask you what's wrong." Leo turned his head, Leatherhead almost moving back as he saw those empty, dull voids that used to be the dark chocolate eyes of a competent leader and loving brother. Leo was simply staring at Leatherhead for a few moments. The sight of his genius brother's best friend and partner in all kinds of scientific projects made Leo's hard ache. Donny's face suddenly appeared before hm, his eyes red and swollen from crying.

His fault.

Donny's light chocolate eyes turned into a bloody red.

His fault.

He was still crying.

His fault.

He cried out for him, cried out for Leo to save him.

His fault. And only his.

That's when he broke down, he didn't cry but he screamed, he screamed so loud, the surface dwellers must have heard him, he screamed out his agony, his guilt, his anger, he screamed out his entire soul. And he told Leatherhead what happened, not letting out a simple detail of his failure, making the giant reptile grow pale.

After he finished, Leonardo fell silent, shutting his thoughts and feelings away once again, the bitter taste of the events filling his mouth, making him want to throw up. Leatherhead said nothing for a few moments. Then his body started to tremble and he dug his claws into his thighs to stop himself from snapping. "Those…those evil creatures! How dare they put my friend through this hell once more! Whoever they are, wherever they are, they will pay! They will pay with their lives!"

The giant crocs pupils turned into slits and he started punching the wall, then ripped out a pipe sticking out of it, hurling it into the water, ignoring the newly created flow that now came out of the wall. Leonardo observed but as before he didn't really see the tantrum. His eyes were empty, dull.

Leatherhead started to calm down, the trembling slowly subsided, his eyes returned back to normal. He fell back against the wall, slid down, next to Leonardo. Silence once again rose between the two mutants, only disturbed by the sound of the water.

Suddenly, making Leonardo jump, Leatherhead spoke: "Leonardo, you mentioned tracking devices inside your masks. Has Miss O'Neil found anything?" "No", came the raspy response. Leo didn't want to talk. But as he saw Leatherhead's questioning expression he knew he had to. "When I left she didn't have anything at least. I guess that was about an hour ago."

Again they fell silent. Then:

"After you and your brothers met me", Leatherhead spoke softly, "Donatello and I have soon started working together, as you know. During one of these meetings, he told me about these devices, how he constructed them, how they worked. Together, we tried to make them more accurate and functional." That got Leo's attention. He stared at the croc, his eyes wide, his mouth open and he knew what was going to come next, at least he hoped he knew and he tried to will Leatherhead to continue. Which he did eventually.

"I know how to track Donatello down."


	13. Cold Facts

Gosh, I can't believe how long this chapter took me. *hits herself with keyboard* sorry, people!

Special 'thank you' to CharmyGirl5! This awesome title was her idea!

* * *

_Once more, Donatello found himself surrounded by fog. Grey and impervious. He turned around frantically, looking for any sign to tell him where he was but everywhere he looked there was nothing but that fog. Donatello noticed that tremors wrecked his body for no particular reason._

"_Stay with them."_

_He knew that voice. He had heard it before. Dark and hoarse. Hopeless._

"_Who are you? What's going on?"_

_He knew it was useless, the voice came from every direction but nonetheless Donny tried to find the source. "Why do you keep bringing me here?"_

_Suddenly pain filled every fiber of his being, making Donny scream and squirm in agony. He fell to his knees, finding himself begging inside his head for being released. The voice started to fade, he could hear the faint vibrations of something that sounded similar to a heart monitor._

"_Don't let your doubts take you away."_

* * *

Donny's eyes shot open and the first thing he did was scream. His body was on fire, every inch pierced by sharp blades. He didn't know what was happening to him, if he had been hurt in a fight or something else. He screamed for Master Splinter, screamed for his brothers, screamed for them to make the pain stop, to hold him and soothe him and he wondered why they didn't come, wondered if he was still lying on their battlefield and his brothers were still fighting.

Then it hit him with so much force that he screamed even louder, started squirming against the chains he could now feel again.

They didn't come because they weren't there. Donny didn't get hurt in battle. They weren't fighting for their lives on some rooftop in New York. Donny was alone.

Alone with Bishop, alone with Stockman, alone with heartless scientists without any moral, who would do anything only for the sake of scientific research. The memories of what had happened, replaying inside his fragile mind made Donny sick to the stomach. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to throw so badly. But something held him back, either his own mind and body or the same drug they've been injecting him with over and over.

Donatello forced himself to close his mouth, to stop screaming, forced himself to try and think rationally. To figure out why he was here, why Bishop was doing those things and more importantly, how Donny could escape. But even without a clear head Donny knew that it was close to impossible for him to escape all by himself. He was dehydrated, weak and he could feel that some of his ribs were broken, although he had no idea how and why. But it didn't matter anyways. There was simply no way for Donatello to save himself.

And there was no way that his brothers would come for him, either. Not after what he had done. To them. To Michelangelo.

"Mmmh…keeey." Donny coughed as he tried to whisper his little brother's name and he felt once again tears burning in his eyes, hot and pathetic tears. The memories inside his head were replaced by pictures of Mikey. Smiling. Laughing. Joking. Goofing off.

Eyes wide in terror. Arms stretched out, as if to calm someone down. Or something. His lips mouthing three words.

"_Donny, no! Wait!"_

If he could, Donny would have pounded his fist into the wall. He was now not only desperate but angry, at himself, so angry that he felt his insides go hot, rage boiling up within him. Was that how Raphael felt sometimes?

No. Something was wrong. This was not normal rage. It was…it felt…Donny knew those emotions. They were not his. He knew them, he knew them too well but they _were not his_.

The anger burned hotter and hotter within his chest until it broke free with a scream. No, not a scream. A roar.

Donny's body seemed to break open and the pain blinded him almost as much as the rage did. The pictures of Mikey were gone, his mind was wiped completely blank, the only thing inside him that lived was the rage, not anymore towards himself but towards everything, everyone, he squirmed against the chains, arched his back, roared like the bloodthirsty beast he was.

"Fascinating", Stockman murmured as he watched Donatello's struggles from above, behind a glass wall. "It seems that the modified sample of the outbreak mutagen has now completely neutralized the cure inside Donatello's bloodstream. Or at least paused its process."

A small door on Stockman's metal chest slid open, revealing a monitor. The processes started running furiously. "This might work better than Agent Bishop has presumed. If the mutagen is already starting to neutralize the cure after just a few injections, the possibilities are endless. If Donatello's mind and personality already break down after such a small amount of mutagen, how would he react towards a larger dose?"

The scientist observed the squirming beast on the metal table, winced as a particular loud roar almost pierced his ear drums. Usually so cold and rational, watching the kind, gentle turtle who's intelligence, Stockman had to admit, went beyond his own, trashing around and roaring like a brute made his stomach sting.

"I wonder", he mused to himself, "if he would have reacted differently to the mutagen, if it weren't for his personality."


	14. Raph's Guilt

"Guys! Hey, guys!"

Raphael looked up from his spot on the couch where he had been holding Michelangelo. Leonardo was panting as he entered the lair, seemed excited about something. As much as Raphael tried, he couldn't find anything exciting about the whole situation.

"What is it, my son?" Splinter had got up from Mikey's other side, approaching the oldest turtle. Leonardo had his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "Leatherhead", he tried between pants, "Leatherhead might know a way-"

Only now Raphael noticed the tall shadow behind his immediate older brother. Leatherhead stepped into the lair, looking torn. _Must've heard the news_, Raphael thought bitterly. He felt Mikey pulling away from him, sitting up. The youngest wiped his eyes. "Really?"

That tone. That broken, yet hopeful tone. It made Raph's desire to rip apart the person responsible for all this almost unbearable.

Leo had got up, was smiling lightly at his youngest brother, but it was Leatherhead who answered. "Yes, Michelangelo. I helped Donatello improve the trackers in your masks. If the one in Donatello's mask is not damaged, then I should be able to track him down."

Raph heard the words, he knew what they meant. But somehow, he couldn't be happy about it. He only partly registered the sounds of gladness of his family, April's cry of relief. Mechanically, he got up from the couch, walked over to his punching bag without really looking where he was placing his feet.

He simply stood in front of the bag for a few moments, looking at it as if he had never seen it before. Then, slowly, almost lazily, he lifted his fist.

Punch. Punch. Kick. Punch. Punch. Kick. Usually, hitting his punching bag would relieve all kinds of pressure inside Raphael, if it were sadness or rage or both. And this situation definitely required both of those emotions. But strangely…Raphael didn't feel anything at all. His attacks were nothing more than a process. There was no fire behind them, no anger. Nothing. He registered the punching bag swaying around but he didn't even feel the contact. It was as if he weren't really there, as if it wasn't his body doing the actions. His mind was wiped clean from any rage, something he had never experienced before. There was nothing. Emptiness.

He could almost hear Donny's voice.

"_You okay, big brother?"_

That's what he would've asked. He would have tilted his head, like he always did when he was curious about something. His brows would have been narrowed to a worried frown and he would have pursed his lips, not accepting any lame excuses.

"Raphael?" That wasn't Donny's voice. The second oldest froze in his place, waited for his father to continue. A soft paw was placed on his shoulder.

He didn't know what brought it up all of a sudden but within the blink of an eye, Raphael felt like exploding. He screamed, a scream filled with blinding rage that almost sounded like a roar.

It had been wrong to blame this situation on Leo. It was wrong to blame it on anybody. The truth was, this shouldn't have happened in the first place.

He had no idea what had caused the relapse and to be honest, he didn't give a damn. All he cared about was that the very reason Donny had been infected was Raphael's fault.

"_Watch yer back, brainiac!" "Isn't that what _you're_ for, Raph?"_

Yes. That was exactly what Raphael was for. He had sworn, ever since they had started their ninja training, that he would protect his pacifist little brother from any harm. Not that he didn't watch Leo's and Mikey's backs either, of course he did. But they watched their own backs, too. Donny didn't. He was too easily distracted by his surroundings, be it the enemy's technology or watching the backs of his brothers. Which is why Raphael had made it his duty to keep an eye on Donatello, always.

He had failed to do that many times. The Triceratons, the Underground City, their final showdown with The Shredder. Those were only few of the times where Raphael had failed to protect his little brother. He still had issues because of all those incidents but he had learned from them and to live with them.

But the Outbreak was the one thing that would never let him go.

If Raph had shoved Donny out of the way a split second sooner this whole mess wouldn't have started. Donny would never have been infected, would never have mutated and therefore, he never would have had that goddamn relapse. He would still be here. Here with them, where he belonged.

"My son!"

Raphael awoke in an instant. Had he been asleep? Why was he lying on the ground? Why where his cheeks wet? Surely he wasn't crying. He couldn't be crying. Raphael didn't cry. He _didn't_.

"Raphael." He was pulled into an embrace. Raph couldn't react.

"I know how much you blame yourself, my son", Master Splinter's soft, caring voice spoke, "But none of this could have been prevented by you."

He looked over his sensei's shoulder and saw that Leonardo was watching him with sad eyes. He seemed…understanding? Mikey was watching him wide eyed, peeking over the couch. April tried to be discreet but Raph could see her glancing over to him occasionally where she stood next to Leatherhead. Leatherhead was sitting at the computer, either gone back to work or never having stopped.

Raphael took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second. Donny's innocent eyes were piercing his heart. His soft smile burning his soul. The second oldest balled his hands to fists.

No. He wouldn't sink so low and start pitying himself. That didn't help anyone. Donny the least. He had to be strong. Strong for his brothers. Strong for his father.

Strong for Donny. Raphael bit his lip. If he wanted to help Donny, if he wanted to make up for his failure, he couldn't let himself break down like that. What happened, happened. Raphael couldn't change it anymore. But what he could do was doing anything in his power to get their brother back.

The hothead took a deep breath. He patted his father's back and then stood up. His dark eyes focused on Leatherhead. The croc was watching him with slight curiosity. Raphael winced ever so slightly. The expression reminded him of Donatello.

"LH", Raph said calmly, his voice stern and determined, "Let's hear your plan."


End file.
